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canstockphoto26779444Last Friday I said that we had an appointment with a fertility doc – our first, and it felt good for me to be taking that step. I’d just redone day 3 labs, and again, everything looked “perfect”. FSH, LH and estradiol were all in ideal ranges. My D3 and thyroid were just fine. The AMH took a few days to come back, and that was the one that I had always been nervous about, because for all intents and purposes, there’s not too much one can do about it. One can’t take the “make more eggs” supplement and see the number rise in 3 months. Nope, them eggs I’m stuck with.

After a few days waiting – the result came back at 2.07 (ideal is over 1, my acupuncturist put 0.8 in the ok category)! Whew, I have some more eggs in there after all!! The fertility doc looked at my labs, said they were great, looked at my hubby’s test results, also great, then did an ultrasound. He saw 7-8 follicles each side. A few days later we scheduled a FemView – which is really a hysterosalpingogram (not even sure if I spelled that correctly) but using saline instead of injecting dye. All looked perfect there too – no tube blockages, cysts, fibroids, or any other structural thing that could get in the way.  That procedure was no big deal – a bit crampy, but nothing terrible.  Actually, it was fascinating to see the liquid and little bubbles moving along the tubes on the ultrasound!

So here we are with ideal FSH, LH, AMH, thyroid, progesterone and estradiol markers for me. The fertility doc told Dave he could repopulate England (the doc is English!) so no worries there. I have plenty of follicles for an oldie over 40, and apparently plenty of eggs. I know I’m ovulating every month. Any no blockages or issues structurally. It all just looks perfect on paper – except that we’re not getting pregnant.

In light of all of it, next month we’re doing IUI. It’s a huge step for me to be ready for that, and yet all of a sudden I’m sooooo ready. Like, bring it ready. Dave is supportive and in agreement, but I don’t think he has the same experience of not getting pregnant as I do. He just thinks it hasn’t happened yet, but it will happen. He trusts God to bring us another child. He doesn’t have the ticking clock in his ear that I have. But we’re in agreement that after 18 months trying, it’s time to get some assistance. It’s not even my age that’s so much a factor for me – it’s the space between Valentina and her future sibling. I’m afraid that if they’re too far apart in age, they won’t relate to one another and play with each other. They’ll be at totally different stages and therefore not close. My sister and I were two years apart and it was perfect – we weren’t on each others toes, but I knew she was still there if I needed her. We were best friends (and are still, but I mean when we were kids). There were a few times I needed her when I’d go find her in the school playground for help and support. If she had been 3-4 years older than me, she would have been on to uni while I was still in school. I wouldn’t have been able to find her in the school playground when I needed her.

I guess in life we have to give up some of our preconceived notions of The Way Things Should Be. My “ideal” 2-year window between children has already passed, so I might as well let that go. My age actually doesn’t worry me because (1) I have taken good care of myself so I think I’m healthier than many 30 year olds, and that my biological age is actually less than my chronological age: and (2) we are clear that if God decides to entrust us with a special needs child, including Down’s syndrome or other chromosomal abnormalities, we’re ok with that. I believe Down’s syndrome children are very special souls, and it’s a privilege to be chosen by them to be their parents. We’re not hung up on having a boy or a girl, and even when people say “just so long as they’re healthy” we say, “just so long as they’re ours and we can love on them”. My prayer is that we don’t get our hearts broken with health issues that may be life threatening or take our child away earlier than we would expect. But we’re strong and can provide for special needs children if that’s what God has for us.

So the moral of the story is – we’re on our way, and it feels good. I have a renewed sense of hope now that we have a plan to help us along. The thought of IVF still gives me a panic attack, but we’ll do 2 cycles of IUI and hopefully that’ll do it. If it doesn’t we might take a break til the new year, then try again, or think about the IVF option. Our fertility doc thinks we have a pretty good chance with IUI since everything else looks good with hormones, Dave’s numbers, number of eggs/ follicles etc. We’ll see!! I’ll report back.

In the meantime, just for fun, pics of my bestie/ sister and I …